posted by Admiral Farragut Academy
It is so interesting to me to watch parents, or for that matter, myself, parent in today's world.
Earlier this year I found myself checking my son's grades on a daily basis. Why? Because I could. I could talk to my son at every meal and discuss his latest homework grade, his latest quiz, or his latest test. I could quiz him about his effort, his studing habits and his grades every day. I could see a less than perfect test grade at noon and be able to launch into a lecture about the importance of grades and college selectivity by dinner time.
I found I was building my child's anxiety tenfold at the age of twelve. But why? Did I think if I served as my son's conscience, work ethic and calender reminder, he would be a better student? Sure, he probably would have a higher grade or two at the time of my harassments, but at what price? When did I expect him to develop the life skills I want my son to have? When does his lack of effort equate to a poor grade, therefore, a lesson learned. When does he become independent, self disciplined and mature? His performance was probably driven by getting his father off his back rather than his own desire to do well for himself. After all, they are his grades.
I know for a fact that my parents did not see grades until they were sent home. I know my anxiety was high at report card time, and I knew that their feeling was that my grades were just that, MY GRADES. It reflected my effort, my self discipline, my aptitude. My lessons and hard knocks were learned early on. By the time I reached third grade or so, I knew what was expected of me and what I needed to do. Now, truth be told, I had several grading periods after third grade that I let myself (and my parents) down, but I learned from those mistakes. I learned what I needed to do to succeed, I learned what effort was needed to be put forth, and more importantly, I knew they were my grades and I had to live with the consequences of them.
Too often todays parents are all over their children. Micro-managing every grade, reminding their child of every event, and on occassion (believe or not) doing their child's work (common practice at elementary schools today). What lessons are being taught in these cases? Unfortunately we, as educators, usually can predict a child's success in college by the level of independence they demonstrate during their schooling. This is not saying, a child, whose parent is constantly hoovering, does not eventually get it, it just might take a couple of hard knocks at the college level.
As we look to our child's future, we, as parents, occassionally need to be reminded of how we were parented in the past. We turned out OK!
Earlier this year I found myself checking my son's grades on a daily basis. Why? Because I could. I could talk to my son at every meal and discuss his latest homework grade, his latest quiz, or his latest test. I could quiz him about his effort, his studing habits and his grades every day. I could see a less than perfect test grade at noon and be able to launch into a lecture about the importance of grades and college selectivity by dinner time.
I found I was building my child's anxiety tenfold at the age of twelve. But why? Did I think if I served as my son's conscience, work ethic and calender reminder, he would be a better student? Sure, he probably would have a higher grade or two at the time of my harassments, but at what price? When did I expect him to develop the life skills I want my son to have? When does his lack of effort equate to a poor grade, therefore, a lesson learned. When does he become independent, self disciplined and mature? His performance was probably driven by getting his father off his back rather than his own desire to do well for himself. After all, they are his grades.
I know for a fact that my parents did not see grades until they were sent home. I know my anxiety was high at report card time, and I knew that their feeling was that my grades were just that, MY GRADES. It reflected my effort, my self discipline, my aptitude. My lessons and hard knocks were learned early on. By the time I reached third grade or so, I knew what was expected of me and what I needed to do. Now, truth be told, I had several grading periods after third grade that I let myself (and my parents) down, but I learned from those mistakes. I learned what I needed to do to succeed, I learned what effort was needed to be put forth, and more importantly, I knew they were my grades and I had to live with the consequences of them.
Too often todays parents are all over their children. Micro-managing every grade, reminding their child of every event, and on occassion (believe or not) doing their child's work (common practice at elementary schools today). What lessons are being taught in these cases? Unfortunately we, as educators, usually can predict a child's success in college by the level of independence they demonstrate during their schooling. This is not saying, a child, whose parent is constantly hoovering, does not eventually get it, it just might take a couple of hard knocks at the college level.
As we look to our child's future, we, as parents, occassionally need to be reminded of how we were parented in the past. We turned out OK!
-> In the end, traditional parenting is still very relevant than ever today.
source: farragut.org
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